I really am in a bind, as my whole family never ever really planned for my life at all....and they still want to keep the issue of me shoved clear under the carpet. The straits i am in are mainly because of my family and them putting me down so much in life, telling me:
1) I would never learn how to drive
2) I would never learn how to count or maintain a bank account
3) I would never have dates/boyfriends
4) I would never have friends if i didn't learn how to "behave" and "treat people"
5) I would never have a job
6) I was ugly, i was a "dog", "cow", "Dingbat", "animal", a "weirdo"...........AND the Big One....RETARDED
7) I was my mother's "penance" and was told this all the time by her.
8) I was also the family embarrassment, the family burden, the family pill and pest
9) I was all wrong, damaged goods, and inferior to all of them in my family
10) My dad used to punish me for hand flapping, swinging my arms, and looking at the shines in my hair
11) My sister regularly beat on me for daring to look at her shiny hair, or for always accidentally walking over her cowboy boots which she would purposely leave between our two beds in our dark bedroom when i would come home from school
12) My dad punished me for using slang words and for being different
13) I could never talk with, or joke with my dad either, he would yell at me for that....i could also never disagree with him, i got yelled and and punished for that too.
Instead of going to a high school that DID have special ed classes for me, i was sent to a college prep Catholic high school across the street where they felt i would never run off and i would be protected from the evils of the world...HA!! Those kids partied too.....but i was so well sheltered, i managed to avoid that too.
There are things i cannot handle....and i have been regressing badly, even more so, on all levels, ever since G turned on me, and then i went through all of the abuse with Jessica #1, S, Ciera, and KT.....and it just gets worse and worse.....this, folks, is the truth.....NOT a pity party.
2 comments:
Hi Melissa, I randomly came across your videos on youtube around Christmas time. I admit, I don't know any autistic people, but I understand that you are as human as the rest of us and it deeply hurts me to see you suffering the way you are. I don't know how else to help you except to tell you that you are such a strong woman and I'm sorry that your life had to be full of so many challenges. Please, at least always remember to take pleasure in the little things in life, and to take small steps in the direction you want it to go, no matter how hard that may be. I genuinely wish you all the best and I hope your inner strength never ceases.
I am trying to hang in there. I have to take it one day at a time. My main goal is the get my leg lump removed, and then my next step, is for me to make a move out of California. It is going to happen. Thank you for your kind words of encouragement, Mark!! :)
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