Saturday, June 6, 2009

Oh God---make this noise stop--please!!

Today is the first Saturday of June....i am up at noon today...but i have nothing done yet..i know i need to shower, and wash my hair...but i don't know if that will get done today. I am here instead, at my computer, because i feel the need to write. New York's K-Rock is streaming while i write---right now, it's a song by Band Of Horses, a really cool ethereal alternative indie rock band who i happen to like alot. But the street outside--is mercilessly noisy again. Two of the nearby auto shops are open today..and they are going past here, back and forth, with their loud souped-up motor vehicles screaming and top volume, and top speed..past this tiny cottage. These men--and women he-men,--lol-- all know that i am autistic, that certain types of noise, that certain behaviors that are hostile and uncaring from people---sends me totally out there---yet these npeople do it all anyway---cuz either they just can't understand---or they just are mean and don't care---or it is both with them. I do have about five nice Christain neighbors right near me, really cool people, who totally have my back when they are here, and are able to see all the shenanigans that go on---and these nice friends have actually witnessed alot of the crap the mean monsters have done to terrorize me---this is a help and a comfort to me---yet this crap keeps on...and on...and where i am literally turned in to a screaming meemie most days...unable to enjoy my soaps and computer.

What do i do? My mother called my rich aunt just before my birthday, and told her, in graphic detail, how bad things have gotten for me---yet this aunt has still not called my mom back, to follow up on things. I am trapped mom owns this duplex where i reside---and there's simply no money for me to move to anyplace that would work out for me, with my condition being as fragile as it has become---physically--and mentally.

Back before i moved to the Mean Monster Street...i actually used to be able to hide my autism very well. I grew up always knowing that i was "differently wired"---but no therapist could ever pinpoint a definitive diagnosis, so i mostly just got labeled--often very unfairly, was misunderstood, and misjudged---then thrown away by most of society, as just a hopeless case.

So here i am today, on a bright ansd sunny, breezy beautiful Saturday in June....miserable, because i have to sit here and listen to, see, and smell all the loud fast hot rod traffic screaming thru here like totally demonic banshees on steroids. LOL!! Even tho the posted speed limit on my street is a very calm, quiet and sedate 25MPH!!

There's good news in all of this, tho!! I was feeling sooo terrible a couple weeks back, physically speaking, that i went back on my good food plan, and i am losing weight again---and---my left foot is alot better as well. But my needs remain; they are still great...i still very badly need a way out of this pit, because it is still so unbearable.

I am hoping and praying fervently, that someone will read this blog today, who is in a position to finally help me up out of this awful nightmare!!!! Peace and love***me****