Today is Thursday--it is the wee hours of a new morning as i write this new blog entry.
This week has been another killer torture week, due to the relentless hot roddings of the mean bully monsters that never stops...that never stops. A few minutes ago, i constructed new signs, made out of plain white poster board and a dark purple Crayola wide-tip felt tip marker. Maybe this time they will listen. Maybe even this time, a local TV news van will come by and see the signs. Maybe someone who is a lawyer will come by and read the signs. Maybe, even someone who has the resources to just sweep me out of here to a quiet place so that i can finally heal from these deep, 18 year old Mean Street Battlefield scars. Maybe someone who'll even take me on my dream trip to New York!
At least this week the sun is out, and it is not pouring down rain, and wind, and thunder, like it was the whole entire week last week. But still, i have to listen to the loud mean thunderous hot rods and motorcycles all day long.
My signs--they read as follow:
PLEASE HAVE MERCY ON ME--I AM AUTISTIC!
I CANNOT WORK! I CANNOT FULFILL ANY OF MY LIFELONG DREAMS AND GOALS!
MY PHYSICAL HEALTH IS ALSO FAILING NOW! I HAVE VERY LITTLE IN LIFE...
AND I HAVE TO LIVE HERE UNTIL A MIRACLE HAPPENS.
PLEASE STOP HOT RODDING, PLEASE STOP TERRORIZING ME!!!!
IN JESUS NAME, I BEG YOU!!!
Again, these businesses KNOW that i am disabled---yet this continues to go on every single day! I do not feel it is too much to ask that these grown men just BE NICE to me!!!! I don't understand WHY my aunt and uncle won't read my letters and come here to see me, so i can talk to them, and show them how i am having to live. I don't understand why the doors have to stay shut for me, and so many others who are autistic!!!! Especially us adults!!! I am truly and desperately unhappy. I have no joy left. No strength anymore. I am exhausted from all the pain. Physical and mental. Even so, i won't take my own life--because i DO NOT want to go to hell when i die!!!! I love God enough to keep hanging in here and taking this bullshit day in and day out! I love my mother and two sisters and my friends too much as well! So---i just keep on taking the shit! Yes, my situation could be worse. But this is torture even so.