Thursday, September 26, 2013


At age 53 and a half i feel as though i am 
a prisoner who is on death row now,
waiting to only "crime" being that i am a special needs adult
I am still living trapped in a town made up of mostly closed minds and hearts
I still live on an industrial street where most of my neighbors are cruel mean bullies to me
a redneck town where i have grown up alone and lonely,
where i have always had very few friends
where i have always even been shunned by most of my family and relatives
where i seem to have a bad and dark reputation as the town leper
due to all of the souls who don't understand
all the souls who haven't understood me and my plight
as someone who has different disabilities
i sadly can't go to any of the churches either
because they all seem to know me there too
in this town, everybody knows everybody else,
that is the honest truth
and no one ever, ever, ever, forgets any mistakes one makes in life
in this town, your mistakes seem to brand you for life
i'm known as that crazy girl and crazy lady
who has always had meltdowns and who has always caused problems
everywhere i have gone,
the crazy lady who has always screamed and yelled and flapped her hands
so whenever i reach out for help, and they hear it's me, they run far away
life has passed me by because
few have given me the chance to prove myself as the real person i am
all of the places i have always so longed to go,
still remain elusive and unreachable pipe dreams to me
even so, i still hold out the hope that someday i will still
have the chance, i will still be able to go
and see all these places

New England, New York City, New York state,
Eastern Pennsylvania, Washington DC,
Upper Michigan, and the Pacific Northwest too
I long to see the Northern Lights, and the sun rise over the Atlantic Ocean 
but no, now my physical health has now declined, and now i am stuck in my home and must have personal caregivers come help me
for my very survival
i have even stopped driving again
i know exactly why i cannot fit in at any of the churches or clubs here
why i cannot make friends here
why i cannot get the help and services i need
is because sadly, all of the ones who 
have called themselves enemies 
who do not like me, have blacklisted me
everyone from several of my neighbors here
the ones in the auto shop
to people i grew up with who didn't like me
all because very few people understand and get a very unique Autistic lady
who does have a heart
who does have a soul
who does have compassion
who does care about the world i live in
I am a very unique Autistic soul who just wants to be accepted and loved
who just wants one last chance to achieve her dreams before she dies
who is just trying to get through this life as best as she can.
I am not a monster....please open your hearts to me and be my friends.
Please listen when i speak and tell my story.
Let me have the chance to tell you all my story.

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