My Autism Is Not A Tragedy

My Autism Is Not A Tragedy
by Melissa Fields on Tuesday, November 1, 2011 at 5:36pm

My autism is not a tragedy
what is a tragedy, however,
is how my community continues
to treat me as if i am a leper
a clown, a joke, a laughing stock
the police will not help me by
putting a stop to the bully monsters'
daily loud hot rod terrorism
that happens right outside of my house
my city gov't turns a deaf ear to me
most of my family keep their backs turned
also to me because they also don't want to deal
with my meltdowns and the way i think, feel,
and do things....i cannot even get the help,
services and care i so desperately need
it is as if i am on some invisible community blacklist
everywhere i try to turn for help...i get told..no
oh, it's Melissa Fields..she is too needy,
too demanding, too difficult....don't help her
well...i am a 51 year old who had never
gotten the help i needed...and so, yes, i am now
alot more set in my ways...but it does not make
me unreachable.....
i don't know what i am going to do
when my couch that i have to sleep sitting up on
breaks down even further to where i can no longer
sleep on it...or my toilet falls in because my mom
has not the money to get my bathroom repairs done
and now, the people who she is paying to come
to help me just alittle bit..are now not returning my
phone calls either....
this is what happens when ppl do not
take the time to really listen to and "get" me
and the way i think, feel and react to life
i cannot stop being autistic
i was born this way
what works for you, may not work for me
we just have to keep trying different approaches
then, don't we? No..please don't
please, please don't you give up on me too
oh no..another person has just
washed their hands of me....and now i feel
that all too familiar aura of that person's
disdain hanging heavily in the air
as i go off hanging my head
again in utter shame
each time a person misunderstands and misjudges me
and gets angry at me and won't let me explain
or give me even a fighting chance
makes me that much more afraid to try again
so i mostly hole up inside my house
everyday
too afraid to go out, even to get my groceries
i have an aunt who is rich and famous
and she seems to hate me too
because she will not help me either
.......can somebody hear me out there....i am drowning
God, hear my cries.....please...before it is truly too late
and i am left in the cold fog to wither away to nothing.