Sunday, November 27, 2011

My 2011 Thanksgiving, Spent Lonely and Alone

My 2011 Thanksgiving, Spent Lonely And Alone
by Melissa's Move on Sunday, November 27, 2011 at 2:27am
I was so lucky and blessed last year (2010), to have a place to go on Thanksgiving. I had just reconsciled with a high school friend who had found me on Facebook in February of last year, through my autism blogs and the first two radio shows that i had done, so that Thanksgiving, i went over to her mother's house and spent that whole afternoon and evening with their whole family. Unfortunately, i am once again estranged from my high school friend, as she, sadly, did not possess alot of patience or understanding of how i think, how i process things, and how i still dream of being able to do certain things with my life....i am so depressed about losing her friendship yet again...and am also so depressed that i was not able to go there this year, as i really enjoyed being around her family last year. I loved having a place to go, really loved having someone here locally to talk to, and to hang out with, and when she got angry at me again, it actually really devastated me.

In 2008, my nice sister and her husband came out to his father's house because they thought they were going to be able to move back here..that didn't work out, and they moved back to Arizona in March of 2009. But when they were here, i got to spend Thanksgiving 2008 out at their house, which was 15 miles South of where i live. And i really enjoyed that too, as my sister's husband's family were all so bubbly-friendly and easy to be around. I felt accepted at both my friend's mother's place, and at my sister's place too.

The food at both my friend's mother's place, and my sister's place...was awesomely delicious too; my sister even had ham, which i love more than i like turkey...and i enjoy good comfort food so much, but am unable to cook full meals for myself due to my sensory issues with cooking....the preparation, cooking, and cleaning up afterwards? I can't handle any of it...i can only handle making simple things, such as simple sandwiches, or a bowl of cereal, and heating already prepared things in my microwave.

Most of my Thanksgivings are so very lonely for me, i usually have nowhere to go. I have three brothers and three sisters, all of whom are married with the exception of two sisters who are widowed, and numerous nieces and nephews...but most of them are all now in Idaho and Arizona, along with my mother too...i do have one brother, his wife and two teenage college-aged boys who still live here near me...but he and his family always, without fail, go out of town each and every Thanksgiving, leaving me here alone to fend for myself. They never call me to see how i am doing, or even call me to wish me a happy Thanksgiving...they just leave, without giving me any consideration. And it hurts me so deeply!!

Thanksgiving--and some Christmases too--i have to prepare for in advance. Because most of the good restaurants and stores are closed on Thanksgiving Day. I have to, the day before, get in my car and go hunt down iced tea and food to eat here, so i am not having to face going out to either Carl's Jr. or Jack In The Box to eat a fast food meal that often tastes like crap, and that is often served by unfriendly inpersonal store employees who don't give a darn about if i am lonely and aching just for a friendly smile and hello on my lonely holiday.

My brother went up to Mammoth Lakes again this year, even after i told his wife how much it would mean to me if i could spend at least one Thanksgiving with them. In addition, they will sometimes even go out of town at Christmastime, which means i am alll alone then too!! This brother and wife and boys, all know how badly i am doing, how much my physical health has gone downhill....yet, they will never call me or stop by to ask if i ever need anything, or to see how i am doing. I was never invited to either of my nephews' high school graduations either. In March, i went there to my brothers to talk to him, to tell him how lonely i am and what i neeed...and was not allowed to come inside because my brother had a cold. I had to stand and talk to my nephew and sister in law out on their front porch. I asked A if i could have alittle financial help, even if it is just to have dinner with them once in awhile. She flatly refused, saying they were having it rough, and could not even have me over for dinner once in awhile. My sweet nephew did pipe up to tell me i was still welcome to come there at Christmastime if they were there and not going out of town...and he said i would be in his thoughts and prayers. But....they never call me, never come by to visit me.

My mother and other family all moved to Idaho during the '90's, thinking i would be okay, because at that time, i was still in decent physical health, and was plugged into a good Christian Singles ministry here on the Central Coast, where i did have lots of good, kind and accepting friends from that group, which was based up in Arroyo Grande...but the things i have been through on this street that i have lived on for the past 20 years...has slowly but steadily eroded both my emotional and physical health and well-being, to where i can barely function anymore.....these days it is as if i live in a long tunnel, because it's like all of my dreams have died now....i am lterally just waiting for either an 11:59 PM miracle,...or for God to just take me Home...yes. my health is getting that bad, that serious. I have to deal with several mean vicious men in four nearby auto repair shops who seem to make it their almost daily mission to bully and terrorize the living daylights out of me with their loud banshee yells, loud horn honking and loud hot rodding and loud burn outs from their loud souped up cars, pickups, SUV's and motorcycles.

The police are is the mayor and city government, to my plight. There are literally no services or resources for me here on the Central Coast. I am stuck here until i get a miracle and can move. And i feel that am dying.

In the meantime...i just want friends who i can hang out with who will accept me as i am....and a place to go at Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Thank you and God bless you all!!!

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