An Explanation Of Why I Still Fear Having A Pet Of My Own
by Melissa Fields on Tuesday, November 15, 2011 at 2:33am
The following is a post that i just wrote a few minutes ago in a group here on Facebook. I thought i would share this, as this best explains my fear of animals. I feel awful that i am this way, but this is in good part, one of my many phobias, fears, and sensory issues, and partly due to a fear from how my family unfortunately, would often exploit my fears when i was growing up....i actualy hatd my childhood because i was squelched and made fun of, in so many ways. My father raised us kids with an iron fist and belt...and as i got older, and my older sibloings got older, they could get away with mre than we younger ones could...he became more lenient with the older ones...thus, in our family, as one got older, they earned more freedoms and priviledges, while us younger ones did't. This fosteredx a narrow-mindeness in all three of my brothers, and one sister, but i always had the love and support of my mom and my two other nice sisters. They also could be mean to me too, at times, and there was a long several year period where me and my eldest nice sister did not get along too...anyway...onto my post now, which i have edited for this note, plus i have included only the person's initial of the person i refer to in this note, for their privacy:
" I am just like J in that i do not relate to, nor am i able to get close to animals, to hold them, cuddle them, or take care of them,...i can be around them, yes, but have to shoo them away if they try to interact with me, because i cannot handle the interaction. I am not cold-hearted either, i too am a very compassionate person, and love animals from a distance, but ppl don't understand this about me, and judge me wrongly too about this...you see, i grew up fearing dogs jumping on me and licking me, and feared their loud barking, and i also had a bad fear of cats scratching me..and i had a family who really exploited that fear, and all of my fears...but as i got older, i grew out of my fear enough to be in control of most animal situations that i am confronted with, by just waving my hands and firmly shooing them away when they try to jump up on me and cuddle and want me to hold them....i am still very uncomfortable around animals, but do greatly enjoy them from afar, as this is still a deeply ingrained sensory issue for me. I will even repost all the cute pet and animal pictures that i see others post here on Facebook, because i love those pictures!! Having said that, i do find myself now wanting a pet for the company, especially a dog....but feel i would need professional psychotherapy to overcome the fears i still have. And not meaning to blame my family...but they did help greatly to contribute to these fears that i still have to this day...the blame is there...and i have alot of resentments towards my family for holding me back and squelching me in so many ways...on so many levels. I unfortunately had bullies for brothers and sisters..and my dad was also a bully alot of the time, a real tyrant. Especially towards me, even as my other brothers and sisters were given more freedoms as they grew older...i was not given those same freedoms. Even as i grew older. I could not joke or have nice conversations with my father, because he was always yelling at me, correcting me, scolding me, an dpunishing me. I was never close to my father as a result of how he treated me.
I'm sorry to go on about this, but what J was expressing helped me to better be able to articulate my own problem with animals...and why mine happened...my family are greatly to blame in this, unfortunately. ;'((
Having said all of this, i would NEVER, EVER hurt or harm ANY animal, as i do have a huge kind and compassionate and tender heart...both for ppl and animals..and i hate...i abhor....cruelty to ppl and animals of any kind!!!!!!! "
For the purpose of this note, i have expounded/added more explanation to my above original post that i posted in a group just now. Again, i feel awful that i am this way...but i am...and i hope someday soon to be able to get help for this, as it would help me to be much freer. I also have other fears which hold me back too...but i can and will discuss these in future notes/blogs.
Thank you all for reading this. God bless you. :)