Saturday, October 30, 2010

Autistic I Am

I Am Autistic...I am Not Shutting Up Or Going Away
by Melissa Fields on Saturday, October 30, 2010 at 2:00pm
It really pains me that in today's world, that there are still so many people who still see those of us who have any special needs, or different burdens who they do not have to treat with respect or dignity. I know. It happens to me all the time. I have no one to go with me to all the places that i am afraid to go because i know i will have my voice silenced, squelched, by people who just do not want to take the time to open their hearts and minds and souls to me.

I am afraid to see any doctor..because most doctors's offices are set up to shut up the voice that i hurry me thru their day, so as not to upset the schedule too badly.

When clerks in supermarkets lack patience, i end up with change that is dirty, wrinkled and stained..and then i have an upset, because i have a very painful sensory issue with money that is like that.

I know when my socks aren't on right..and i literally cannot walk straight because of that.

Am i a princess just because i have all of these hang-ups? No..i am autistic. I was born this way. For the past 19 years i have had to live, trapped in a neighborhood where i have been getting bullied and terrorized on an almost daily basis for all these long, 19, it has now affected my physical health to where i now have to become a burden to the doctors. Yes, i may be morbidly obese, with chronic lymphodema on both of my legs...but i am still pretty inside. I still have a personality..i still have a sense of humor, a kind heart, a kind spirit..and a soul. I still have feelings too...feelings which do get hurt.

I thank God that i do belong with all of my wonderful autism community friends here on Facebook..and all of the non-autistic friends i also have here on Facebook.

But to anybody out there who still wants to squelch me and make me feel like i am less than human....i hope you all know that there is indeed a God in Heaven who sees how those of you treat me and try to rob me of my voice and dignity. It is a terrible insult to He who made me this special way.

I so dread having to go to the doctor...because i have yet to find one with whom i feel welcomed by in their all who work there. At one doctor's office i go to, there is a room full of very prominent looking women that i have to walk past when i have to use their restroom....and these ladies all give me real Stink-Eye when i pass their door. They will only half-smile at me, that kind of smile that is very cold and aloof...the kind of smile that tells me that i am someone who is considered "not in their league"...and..i won't pretend that this does not hurt. There are others in this office who are very hurtful towards me too...but i have to go again, so that i can walk on my left foot without twisting up into a pain so terrible that it literally cripples me.

People of this world..please stop trying to take our voice and our dignity away. We who have special needs, are human just like you are. Maybe some of us don't have a nice thin body or whatever.....but that is NO reason to treat us abusively and dismiss and hurry us along like we are a piece of dirt. This world needs to revisit the art of being kind and compassionate.....patient, and accepting. It means embracing people who are of ALL abilities..not just what is considered the norm.

Thank you and God bless you.


Jennifer said...

Hello, I am in your shoes. I can relate to being squelched. I'm also on the spectrum, and on facebook. I'll friend you on FB.

Melissa said...

That would be great if we could be friends, jennifer!! :)