Saturday, June 27, 2015

To My Last Caregiver, Please Leave Me Alone, You Have Hurt Me Enough

I did nothing wrong, absolutely nothing wrong, by exercising my right to get the help i needed so that i could get myself out of a situation that was utterly and completely abusive, and that was oppressing and suffocating me to death. I did nothing that was mean nor malicious. I only did what i had a legal right to do to protect myself from your anger and bad moods. Because. Your anger and bad moods were affecting my life on every level. Things weren’t getting done. And i was always getting riled up at things….because you always seemed to be riled up all the time. At something and/or someone.

Yet now, you are retaliating by getting your loud Harley biker friends to roar like evil lions past my house tonight. And your other friends who have loud vehicles too. Why? You have already hurt me enough.  Please stop it. When you worked for me, i tried time and again to talk to you and work things out so i could keep you on as my caregiver long-term. But you put up walls, and shouted me down whenever i tried to stand up for myself….and you made me feel like i could not even be free in my own house too. You rushed me all the time. All the time. You always seemed in such a hurry to get home at night. You kept me from the fresh air, kept me from my right to be able to shower everyday if i wanted to, kept me from people, kept me from so many of the things you knew i loved. When i would express my joy at a beautiful sunset, you would shoot me down, and quell my enthusiasm like a thick musty wet blanket. I had to finally take a stand. Yet now, earlier tonight, four loud bikers came roaring past my house…..and then they came through again about an hour and a half later, and even though they didn’t come back on my street again, when they left the area, they still roared their motors loud enough to make me scream in agony. Now, other loud vehicles are coming past my house gunning their loud motors right outside. Is this what you want, to turn me into an enemy too, like all of the others you seem to hate in this world?

I had to get my friends to help me. I had no choice but to call my worker. That is all i did. Only to protect myself from your rage and anger. Because i was, and am afraid of you. Because your anger was killing me, mind, body, and spirit. Now you want to turn around and hurt me even more tonight. I thought you cared about me.
Please have mercy on me. It is just me here. You know i am not a bad person, and that my heart is so big i would give anyone the shirt off of my back. My mother still prays for you everyday, both you, and for your mother too. She also prays that i will have angels surrounding me and my house, who will protect me from all who try to harm me.
Please tell your buddies to stop coming on my street to terrorize me. Please stop and think about why i had to take the actions i did by getting some advocates to step in to help me. Please stop and think about how i felt, and all that i kept trying to tell you all along, and you wouldn’t listen to me. I gave you chance after chance after chance, because i loved you like you were my sister. And i trusted you.
Please remember that you walked out on me.

No comments: