An Autistic learning post about me: I realize that when i am right smack dab in the middle of one of my panic attacks, that my fear can often sound like anger----and when i got on the phone the other afternoon to find out why my internet went out, that i did indeed, sound aggressive and angry.
It was purely unintentional.
I can sound angry, even when i am scared shitless, which i get when things that i hold dear and depend on and count on, like my internet, suddenly doesn't work----which leaves me alone and cut off inside of a house that i do not consider my home, but that i consider to be a house of horrors and real life nightmares, that i consider to my a torture chamber, with my enemies, the bullies all over the street outside of it, yes, still.
There are still bullies here.
Yes, there ARE still employees of the auto shop who still like to mess with me and make the very loud noises that they know sends me into total painful agony meltdown mode. And there are still a few bullies who also like to mess with me and do the same things to me, who work in the back of a warehouse that is also right across from my house.
I am a good person with a good kind heart who would never ever intentionally hurt anyone, but i still lack alot of social and coping skills-----and i do my best with the tools i DO have available to me. There are just some things that i either can't control, or have a very hard time controlling. I **don't** know if i can ever overcome this.
But please know that i do try my best never to be an upset to anyone. it is just hard for me because of my neurological makeup, and the things that trigger me.
When i am triggered and go into meltdown mode because of that, my level of functionality slows down.
Things like too much hot weather can do that to me too.
Please understand and have patience with me.