I wrote this on a very bad Sunday, a few weeks ago.
The following is not a negative rant just to be negative, this is a serious rant to call for ppl to start caring about your disabled and elderly brothers and sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews, mothers fathers, daughters, sons, neighbors and friends.
Because no human is an island unto themselves. We all need each other. We all need love. We all need to feel as though we matter. We all need to feel as though we are a part of our communities. We all need to feel like we are safe and cared for.
Eeeeeeeeeeee......today was bad. Very bad for me, because i am housebound and cannot go to the store to get new batteries for my remote when my remote dies. I can't go and get ice cream or other things i am craving. Because i have no way to get there, even to walk, because i am unable to walk more than 20 steps without my whole body hurting excuciatingly.
If this is what it's like to get old, i don't want it.
Yes, the first thing that happened today, was that my remote for my TV sound did die, then i discovered that i have NO AAA batteries to speak of in my entire house, so i couldn't replace those batteries, then when i went to use the toilet, my toilet handle chain decided to come off, and i had to bend over into the toilet tank and fix that, or go without a flushing toilet for the whole evening and night...... So, i went to watch a movie, turned up the sound to where i felt i could have a happy medium between voices and music and scene noises, and, as expected, i could not hear much of the dialogue as is sadly the usual for most movies made after 1986, but the street noises and music in the movie came on real thunderously loud, and i had no more control from my chair anymore....then my satellite receiver decided it was not going to connect to my wi-fi, so i had to just stop my movie, and come back to the computer, because even to watch YouTube or listen to Pandora on my TV from my chair without the remote for my stereo, is also impossible as the sound needs to be adjusted accordingly for those things also. I did fix my wi-fi, but again, with no remote for my sound, why sit in my chair now, unless it's to just sleep or read? Or twiddle my thumbs?
Oh, but my dinner was fabulously delicious. Even though i had no one to talk to as i ate in my lonely little kitchen. I was able to stand long enough to heat my dinner in my microwave and put the Ranch dressing in a paper bowl so i could dip my ham and veggies in it. And the peanut butter M&M's and ice cream bars that i had for my dessert were delicious too. But i cannot enjoy my TV at all tonight, unless it is a regular show like the news or HGTV or the Food Network. On those channels the sound is even, and i can hear everything. I am really hoping that my caregiver will be able to shop for me tomorrow, so that i will have the new AAA batteries i need to make my stereo remote work again, so i can watch TV again from my chair without having to get up and down repeatedly to go over to my stereo to turn the volume up and down. It wouldn't bother me to do this if my body did not hurt from my hips and back to my knees and left leg and foot, because i did have to get up to change the channels and turn the TV up and down when i was growing up...but now i am not in good health, and i hurt, and hurt greatly when i walk and stand too much.
And this was a Sunday. A Sunday that i could have enjoyed.
I really am hoping that this week will be good to me, and that i can even get out to go to a park this week where i can see some trees, flowers, water and green grass!!!
Going to watch the news now that i have DVR'ed. Because like i said before, fortunately, the audio stays consistent on that, and on my soap opera that i like to watch, and on HGTV and Food Channel too, so i don't have to worry about that. Movies are going to continue to be a huge no-go tonight, though, till i have the new batteries for my stereo's remote again.
When i win the big lottery jackpot, i am going to lobby to start getting huge complexes of 1, 2, 3, and even 4 bedroom single-story set-alone cottages that will be set up in a community that is totally sensory-friendly and that will be a totally Autistic-friendly safe space that will have easy access to transportation, Autism workers for each person, and total wraparound services for us all---so that we who don't have family support and local support, won't have to be isolated like this anymore.. I would love to be able to build several in California, and then some in New York, Chicago, Boston, Atlanta, Milwaukee, Denver, Dallas, Seattle, Portland OR, Boise, Pocatello, and so on. I just don't see why American people are so indifferent and uncaring towards those who are marginalized, homebound, disabled, etc. Dear God it just does not have to BE this way!!!! People should not be frightened to grow old, or to be disabled. We all need to love and accept each other as we are, and care for and about each other. Our families need to care. The word "giving up" should no longer even BE a part of our vocabulary, especially when it comes to disabled and elderly people!! Even this country's CHURCHES don't give a shit about us!!! That's a real TRAVESTY!!!
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