"4:00 PM cannot get here fast enough!! I already am tired, have no spoons to work with at all, and this street noise is killing it all for me!! :'( "
"I am seriously not feeling well at all and need to move from here soon, i need my sleep, i need my peace and quiet in the worst way, because i am imploding right now!!!! >+<
The above two posts are what i wrote earlier yesterday afternoon.
And no, headphones and earplugs will not solve my issues. Those will only make me feel even more trapped and in prison than i already am.
I am an Autistic adult who is imploding. I am lonely. Most people shun me, ignore me, and walk away from me, leaving me to fend for myself. Even most in my own family. I am losing my memory, i am losing my sense of direction, i am losing my physical health, i am losing my sense of hope, and all joy.
I am the Autistic adult that all Autistic children grow up to be, unless we get the RIGHT kind of services and support growing up, unless we have families who believe in us, accept us, love us, and are there for us, and who help to plan our futures when we grow up. Guess what? Many of us end up like me.....in a very frightening and precarious situation where we have to depend on the government to help us.....and when our parents pass away, in this case, my mom, when she passes away, many of us face having to go into group homes or institutions where many of us lose what little independence we once had. That is exactly where i am headed when my mom passes away, unless something is done to make dramatic changes happen to our whole safety net system.
Mainly, no more cuts to our safety net!!!!! So that we CAN stay living independently our whole lives. So that we have access to good quality health care, both mental, physical, dental, and vision care, decent housing that isn't in ghettos, personal home care, and vocational training, too, so that we can get a job, car, and be able to have more independence.
I am writing this story and tagging you all in it, because those of you who keep ignoring my blogs, because you think they are just pity parties, need to STOP ignoring them and you need to care, because i am the reality of what happens to an Autistic child when their family, their neighbors, and their community, blow them off and ignore them.
The police, teachers, etc., need to LISTEN and HELP us when we say we are being bullied too!!!! A huge part of MY problem, is that i AM being bullied on an almost 24/7 basis....seriously. And i AM imploding because of this daily assault and duress i have been under for the past 23 years i have had to live here in this torture chamber neighborhood.
Everyday now i wake up dreading being awake, and longing for 2:00, 3:00, or 4:00, the different times my personal caregiver comes each afternoon, depending on what we have to do each day, because of the bullies who continue to bully and torment me in
a nearby auto shop,
a nearby auto parts shop,
a nearby sheet metal/heating shop,
another nearby auto repair shop,
and a nearby appliance shop.
The employees of these businesses, and their friends, torment me right in front of my house, back and forth, right under my nose, all day long,
with loud hot rodding,
loud banshee-style animal yelling,
loud horn honking where they "lay" on their horns,
loud thundering stereophonic bass,
cussing at me,
calling me names,
loud taunts, etc.
Just recently, last Tuesday night, the appliance shop owner came to his shop, and because i confronted him on the way he blasted into his shop where he often spends the night living there, (so my nights are also sometimes made into nightmare hell), screeching his tires all the way in, he came charging out of his shop and began a long loud rapid-fire rant, which included loud banshee yells, and profanity-laden taunts. I had to call the police, and have the police officer make him stop this. The next day, the police commander talked to him, and the dispatchers, who also were not that nice to me that night when i called, very frightened. He has been quieter ever since, but i have been scared every night ever since that night he yelled at me like a raging wild beast.
I moved here in May of 1991, because my father's health was declining, and my parents could no longer afford to pay my rent where i had been living, where it was quiet, and where i was happy, and even doing well mentally. But ever since moving here, i have had nothing but problems ever since, and i have never been able to escape this place, try as hard as i may to do so. Because i lack the finances and resources to move to a place that i know will work for my sensories. No, i am not saying i need to move out in the sticks, and i do not wish to live in the sticks, because i need to be where i can be close to medical providers, hospitals, shopping, good churches, nice people who can be my friends, and my high speed internet, so i can have my YouTube fix at night.
I was going to move to a nice upper Midwestern location, but then i had a bad falling-out with the lady who lives there who was going to help me to make that dream become reality for me. So, that is not going to happen now.
I had really wanted to move there for several reasons.
Because i love that state, and have longed to visit that state, and many other Eastern states, ever since i was 10 years old.
Because for the past two years, i have had a string of awful personal caregivers who have been very abusive, both verbally, mentally, and who took great advantage of me financially to where i was almost going to default on some of my monthly bills.
I wanted to move there to escape that, to escape the bullies, and to escape the mean police who wouldn't help me.
Because she told me that there, in her state, i would have good healthcare, good caregivers, a NICE place to live, and everything my heart desired for my happiness and well-being.
I wanted to move to her state because she told me
she would take me under her wing,
we would be like sisters,
we would go lots of places,
and she said i would also have the love of her whole family,
and that i would no longer have to spend my Thanksgivings, Christmases, and Easters alone anymore.
Now, i am back to square one, still living here, all alone, lonely, in this nightmare neighborhood. Those of you who understand the plight of Autistic adults, will get this, and those of you who don't, or who ignore me because you think i am just a whiner and complainer, need to read this, because i am writing this because yes, i am crying out for help.....but i am also trying to educate everyone.
I want my story to go viral.
It needs to go viral.
We need to elect a Congress and Senate who will restore our programs and services, and who will work to make our programs and services even better.
President Obama himself, needs to read my story.