Sunday, July 11, 2010

Cloudy, Cool, Muggy Sunday

Before i begin today's blog entry, i want to first put this disclaimer out there..i am not doing this as a negative rant..and i apologize that these blogs are always like this, so negative....but this is how life is for an autistic adult who cannot get help and support....even from her own family.

Today is is cool, but muggy..and cloudy, too, with a slight chance of thunderstorms here in Cali. My street quiet, thank God. I am usually asleeep right now, but i can't at this time, so, i have decided to write.

How am i doing today? I am tired....i am mentally and physically very tired....the heel of my left foot is hurting badly again,....and both of my legs feel like huge tree trunks. I am once again sleeping days and getting up at about two, three or four in the afternoon, and staying up all night, because the nights are so, so quiet. My days....continue to be sheer hell, because of the relentless loud meanness from the mean bully monsters at the auto repair shop across the street, as they continue to level their intolerance and hate my way. I am sure that i have gained 5 more pounds in the past week..because i feel heavier than i did before. My couch that i sit and sleep on, is all broken down to where i now have sores on the backs of my see, i have to sleep sitting up and back on my couch, because i can no longer sleeep laying down on my bed in my bedroom. I actually sometimes now have dreams that i am sleeping in my bed again, all cozy and warm and comfortable....and it is such a good feeling....even if it's just a dream....

I still do not hear from my aunt who said back in May that she would help me make a move...i am now told that she won't help me at all, because she feels that i am "too needy". She even told this person that she was talking to about my situation, that she can see why my brothers, my two sisters in laws, two sisters and my neices, all have nothing to do with me....because of the fact that, as a special needs autistic adult, i do have alot of needs.

I am still unable to find a good medical doctor that will help me to get my legs and feet back...that will even help me so that i can at least have a handicapped sticker so i can park where i can easily get right in and out of the stores i go to, to do my grocery and neccessity shopping. Or someone to come in and give me respite care so i can function better.

It has gotten even harder for me to move around my house. I feel like i am eighty years old, even though i am still kind of youngish in age. I am actually afraid that i will fall and break a hip when i take a shower, or that i will fall on the front steps that lead to my house. My knees always hurt, my back and hips hurt too. I feel weighed way down..and the only reason that i keep going on and on and on, is because, after all of this, i still have my faith in God...and i still have the hope that someday, SOMEDAY, i will have my miracle!!!!! I pray everyday that God will soften the hard cold hearts of my aunt and uncle...and those of my other family members who also won't have anything to do with me because of my autism.

Yes....this is what it is like for an autistic adult who cannot get help or support even from her family.

I pray that my story will get published soon....i pray that this blog will be read by someone who will have the means to help me...because it is a horrible, awful feeling to feel like life has passed you by at the young age of fifty.


Clay said...


I just found your blog today on the Autism Blogs Directory at:

I'm glad to know you have some friends where you are, and would like to help in some way. I'm retired myself, and so have limited income, but I have a blog on the Autism Hub, and would like to link to and copy your latest blogpost, as a "guest blog". I would copy it exactly "as is", and probably write a short commentary, asking people to help if they can.

Here are just a couple of my blog posts, so that you may know me better.


Melissa said...

Thank you, Clay, i appreciate this..yes, you can repost my blog.

Clay said...

Okay, Melissa, will do. I've been waiting and checking for weeks for you to publish my comment and reply. I thought maybe you had deleted it. I can probably do it tomorrow. I'll use this post, I guess.

Clay said...

Okay Melissa, I posted your blog today, and got a comment there from the person I thought could best help you. She gives good advice about what you would need to do, and how she can help you. Once you set up a PayPal account and a Chip-in button, we'll carry that button on many blogs, and should bring a response from contributors.

See comments under:

Melissa said...

I just read your blog, Clay, thank you for posting this for me!! I commented over there about how it will affect my govt benefits if i do a PayPal chip-in deal...i know i don't want to move to Idaho..i want to stay in this area..just not here on this street any more, b/c the mean bully monsters are really killing me..i have no freedom anymore cuz of them.i so dream of having a little house that has an open airy floor plan, and a nice pretty backyard with trees, and it's so quiet, and the neighbors are all nice to me there..i so wish that could happen for me!!

Clay said...

Yes, I had read that the move to Idaho was off. But it seems to me that almost anywhere else (nearby) would be better than across the street from that damned garage!

I think you'd need to find out just how much help you can get before they cut your benefits. I don't know anything about that, or Medicare/Medicaid, or HUD-assisted or Section 8 housing. All I know is that it's probably a bureaucratic nightmare, and very time-consuming.

If there's anyone who could help you figure out that mess, it would be the fine ladies of RFID. (Not that they have experience of them either), but they would Help you find your way through.

Um, I have a dream of a little house too, (that I designed myself), but it doesn't look like that's gonna happen. I'll probably stay in this small apartment, where I have only a small noise problem with neighbors talking loud in the hallway, or banging their doors. (Just inconsiderate).

Melissa said...

Have RFID hook up with me thru Facebook, okay? Obviously, i do need to move, but not if it's going to be from the frying pan into the fire.

I need a miracle here! I am very afraid of my benefits being cut or reduced if i make the wrong move. I wish there were someone i could talk to around this area who would know how to do all of this.