Today is a beautiful, warm and sunny Saturday......and....as of today.....my plans to move to Idaho are no more. My aunt didn't come through with the finances to make this happen....other family issues arose,....and now i am left back at square one......still stuck here in my little torture chamber cottage here on Mean Bully Monster Street....where i am sitting at my computer, which is right next to my front door. I happen to have my front door wide open right now, because i want so very much to enjoy the fresh air and cool breeze----just not the "nice" loud, speeding traffic that comes along with it!! So---the PC speakers are cranked up loud again, on an online station called The Alternate Side, so i can try to drown out the awful speed demon noise!!! The Alternate Side, by the way, is an awesome alternative/indie rock station that i stream online everyday, because i love this kind of music!!!!! I also have Sirius/XM in my car.....only because my mother is able to afford that!!
I really neeeded my aunt's and uncle's help---and i still do!!!! I can't be expected to do without my favorite music if something happens to my mom.....i LOVE my Christian and secular rock music and would be sooo very, very lost without it!!!!! If my mother were to suddenly pass away today, i know i would have to give that up!!! Not only would i have to give that up, but my internet and TV service would also probably have to stop too----in addition to that, i may also face having to give up my car and being able to drive..........people, PLEASE know how serious this is for me!!!!!
And......if my mother were to die today......i may probably even be made.....forced.....to live in a rest home or mental institution for the rest of my life......no more independence either, if i don't have a miracle happen soon....
Last night i spent several hours getting even more new pictures of Michigan, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Lake Huron and Lake Ontario off the internet, for my screen saver slide show. I didn't get to New York, New England or Pennsylvania last night....those are the other places i VERY MUCH want to see if i ever come into money....so today, i sit here, and all i have is my never-ending pipe dream that maybe i will win the lottery tonight...or Wednesday.....and then, i will finally get to go see all of these places....someday...someday.....SOMEDAY!!!!!
Also....i just turned 50 two weeks ago...that, in itself, is a milestone for me....because i can now say that i am half a century old---woooooo!!!!! But what do i have to show for it, but a 28-plus years of being dependent on government entitlements?
I do have a wonderful group of friends on Facebook now, beautiful, sweet people who all really "get" me!! Like me, these people are either autistic themselves, or they are adults who have children on the autism spectrum. And here in Santa Maria, I do happen to have alot of familiar places that i am able to go, where i am treated with kindness and compassion--places where my autism is accomodated!! Plus, i have my friend Garrison next door and my other friends, the Nicholsons, who also live in town. So--it is actually a blessing in disgiuse that i didn't move to Idaho----because if i had of moved there--i would only have my elderly mother to turn to, no one else, as my other family members who live there--all still ignore me and treat me just as they all did when we were all growing up together...like a leper and a pariah. As for the other sister who WAS nice to me who lives there? She is now against me too......but if i talk about that, she has threatened to sue me and cause me all kinds of trouble.....
I am currently working fervently towards getting my story out to the media now. I NEED to tell this story.........it is a unique story----but, you know what? All of us have our own unique stories to tell....because we are all unique...each and everone of us. :)
So--i just wanted to update everyone as to where my situation lies today. I wish i could find something wise and powerful to say as i close my latest blog entry--but i don't--my mind has grown so tired...all i can say is that i hope and i pray SO very very fervently, that this will change soon-----my Aunt and Uncle are now both acutely aware of my circumstances---it is up to God now to convict their hearts....only He can soften their hearts so that they will care, and have real compassion on me and finally give me the help and relief i so desperately need and crave!!!!
Just now, a terrible, loud black sports motorcycle came absolutely SCREAMING through here---my back and arms and face and chest still actually BURN from the pain of having to hear that GOD-awful demonic screaming noise right now--it was just as if a giant stingray bee thing just flew past the front of my tiny cottage...oh, it hurts to be alive when i can't even have my sanctaury on a nice warm and beautiful sunny Saturday.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am autistic--i am NOT a CRAZY-LADY!!!!! And i have the right to live in peace!!
Are there any media outlets out there who would be willing to come and tell my story, please??
Please pray for me, everyone!!!!! God bless you!!!! :)