Tired

I am burnt out.
Tired
of being lonely
with no local Autistic support network
Tired 
of being confined to my house
Tired
of not being able to go places
i especially miss the freeway
and open road
which i love
and the ocean
which i also love
and getting to see nature,
the green hills and flowers of Spring
I am so Tired
of not being able to reach
the goals i have in life
Tired
of having a family who is
virtually non-supportive of me
Tired of being unable to take care of my own hygiene
Tired of still feeling like
i am on the outside
even in my own community
Tired of just not being able to get where i need to go in life.
I am tired of being.
All i want is to wake up
and find out that i never lost the use of my legs
that i still have my little Toyota Tercel
and the nice neighbors who once used to live next to me
who DID care about me
I am genuinely burnt out.
I want this suffering to stop.
I want badly to move from this bad neighborhood.
I want badly to get the surgery i need
so i don’t have to wear this 24/7 horrible lump
that is the size of a basketball on my left inner thigh
I am tired of this trap, this jail i am in.
I am crying for a real way OUT!!!!!!!
Before i get much older, please.