The Urgent Prayers Of An Autistic Adult Who Is Wasting Away........

..........Because the system..and my community will not help me the way i need to be helped...........

Please know....this is not a pity party....this is my story.....i am disabled, i am Autistic, and i am wasting away, because so few are willing to help me.....

I just slept from about 9:30 PM last night, to just now. It is now 3:20 AM in the wee hours of the morning of Wednesday, November 6, 2013.

I have gone from having my own car and being able to drive,

being able to take therapeutic long drives all over my beautiful Central California Coastal area,

and being able to function okay enough to get by,

to where now i am losing my entire physical and emotional health and well-being.....

because there are so very few in my hometown where i live who want to help and be my friend.....

i cannot even call on my local police anymore,

because most of them have now seemed to turn against me

due to the auto shop and other nearby businesses where i live,

where there are several employees who bully and torment me on an almost daily basis,

telling them i am just a menace, a crazy lady, and a chronic complainer....

most in this town refuse to believe that i AM being bullied by these people in these nearby businesses....

i cannot get help from my local Regional Center, they also refuse to help me.....

i cannot get help from any of the senior services here either, even though i am now 53, and am in bad health......

i cannot get my local TV stations and newspapers to even listen,.....

i am utterly alone,

utterly and unbearably lonely....

and i cannot BEAR this.....ANYMORE......

i WANT to live....

i WANT to be able to once again drive, and go places, and do things again....

i WANT to be able to go to a good church of my choosing again, where i WILL belong, where i WILL fit in....

i MISS church....

i MISS the upbeat rocking worship music,

and the kind people i once knew at one of the churches i used to attend back in 2007 and 2008.....

i now have NO way to even go to a church like that again....

i also LONG to see places like Michigan, New York, and New England....

i LONG to see Milwaukee, San Francisco, the Sierras, and Yosemite, some of the few places i have visited before

because i THRIVE on being able to see the scenic beauty of the world i live in....

i THRIVE on being able to photograph these places

because i am a photographer, and i am an artist

i long to be able to just sit by the ocean, so i can listen to the waves.....

i used to do that all the time when i could still drive

because i live not too far from the ocean

i used to go up to Shell Beach and sit almost every evening

to hear the ocean and watch the sun set

this had a real calming effect on me

but now.......

i am shut in,

housebound now.....

and i fear this is never going to get better again.....

In the past two years, i had one friend who i depended on, turn viciously mean towards me, and then five abusive personal caregivers, who all turned out to truly not care about me in the end,

who took from me even more,

and so much,

some of which who actually verbally abused and yelled at me,

and all who gouged me so much for food

and money that i did used to have saved up....

i have gone from being able to easily pay all of my bills, because of help i got from one of my nice sisters, and due to the sale of my car, which i sold because of my legs

it was getting harder for me to drive anymore

to now where i am once again back to barely scraping by because of what those five caregivers took from me....

they all took from me my trust, my spirit, my joy.....

they all came on so sweet and kind in the beginning,

and then all of them turned on me,

and began taking, taking, taking, taking, till i had none to give anymore

because they felt they could get away with this because i would not fight back, i would easily give into my fear of them not doing for me if i didn't comply.....

and so they took me,

mentally,

emotionally,

as well as financially,

to where, now, i sit here broke again.....

broke, dirty and unbathed, heartbroken, and lonely.....

i am a very kind, generous, and compassionate soul,

but these caregivers all took advantage of this.

I can still to this day hear how one caregiver lost her temper, called me a stupid ass, and threatened to leave me naked in my bed to fend for myself when she gave me a bath one day.

I can still hear and feel the hot breath of another caregiver as she would often and repeatedly yell and scream at me and argue with me....

one day she took me to do my banking, and she yelled at me the whole drive down to the bank,

so badly that i broke down crying and shaking when i got into the bank,

and i had to have a family friend come get me and bring me home.

She yelled and screamed at me that day, all because she would not let me have my music in her car,

when i really needed to have my music that day,

and this caused me to have a meltdown.

That was why she yelled and screamed at me the entire time we drove down to my bank.

Then, she walked out on me two days later, leaving me to have to cancel a very important doctor's appointment that i had set up with a local general surgeon, to look into surgery on my leg tumor.

Leaving me literally stranded with NO ONE, for one whole month.

I had to have my family friend shop for me and get my mail that entire month.....i went nowhere for one whole month.....

I do know a person who could well afford to help me, who knows of my plight.

If i had this person's help, i could then get all of the help i need, and i could finally move from this awful street where i have had to live for the past 22 years amongst neighbors who to this day, still torment me by yelling at me and making loud noises with their already loud souped up cars, pickups, SUV's, hot rods, and motorcycles, louder than loud noises that they know are some of my worst triggers.....

but this person refuses to help me, even in a small way.....

most of my family also coldly ignore and shun me....

all because i dare to come on the internet to tell of my story as an Autistic adult who is wasting away.....

all because of the Autistic activism that i now do.....

Please pray hard that i get a miracle soon that will allow me to be able to better take care of myself, that will allow for me to have excellent caregivers who will be here for me, and who won't gouge me, who won't walk out on me, including KT for more hours again, because she IS an excellent caregiver, and that will allow for me to be able to move and have a car again and my freedom, and to have my health back.....i really cannot stand the way things have gotten for me....things have gotten to be sooooooo very unbearable......the worry i feel all the time, yes, even though i empowered myself Monday night and fired Ciera, i just cannot go through much more....

Of this street

and the way i am still suffering

due to seven of the nearby businesses who refuse to leave me alone.....

Of my legs being so huge and stiff and swollen all the time

that even walking is too difficult for me,

plus this God-awful basketball-sized leg tumor that is on my left inside thigh.....there just HAS to be some point where God will hear my prayers......please, in Jesus's Name!!!!! Amen!!!!

Notice To All Of My Caregivers

I think of all the people I know, and there are many, who drive to and from jobs 5+ days per week. They don't get paid by their employer to drive to and from work, as how a person gets to work has always been their own responsibility--never the employers.

  

However, understandably and being reasonable, if the employer asks the employee to run errands for them, using their own car and gas, it would only be right for the employer to pay for the gas. BUT, doing the math, errands run locally, even with a car that only gets 10 MPG, should not exceed one gallon of gas and one gallon of gas is under $5. So the employer should not have to pay more than $5 per week for one set of errands run once per day....those five days a week.

  

I also think about all those same people I know with jobs and the other responsibilities they have to themselves while at work. Most employers only offer a restroom and water, as is in most cases required by law. Some employers offer coffee, but that is not required by law. And, also not required by law, employers do not have to provide food or snacks or internet for their employees. Again, the latter items mentioned are the responsibility of the employee to provide for themselves.

  

Reflecting on all of the above, I wish to say:

Unfortunately, I'm handicapped and require the aid of a caregiver. These caregivers work in my home. My home is their workplace. I do my best to provide as congenial and pleasant a work environment as I can, but the above issues keep arising and are causing misplaced unjustified tensions between me and my caregivers. 

I'm not rich. I have bills and responsibilities just like everyone else even though I do not work at a job. I cannot afford to pay more than is right and just what is owed justifiably for any errands run for me. My compassion wishes I could, but I just cannot. Doing so in the past has caused me great financial hardship and mental anguish, because of all the times I was clearly taken great advantage of, and it just cannot continue. So, please, if you come to work in my home, please bring your own sustenance and so forth. And, come in full acceptance of this understanding so there are no hard feelings. Thank you.

I forgot to mention in this that all caregivers need to know i am Autistic, and with that, comes alot of sensory issues......that i have special circumstances because i do happen to live on a street where i am being bullied by some of the employees of some of the nearby businesses....hence, why i made the YouTube videos that i made where i **AM** screaming and yelling and venting, and that my Autism does in NO way make me a monster. So, i need for my caregivers to be patient and willing to learn about me before they judge me and walk off on me and make me out to be a villain. Thank you, again.